Dance Changes

I've been feeling a bit guilty about not going to my dance classes as much as I used to since July. (Does that sentence even make sense?) I decided that I would go to the one class that I have neglected since the instructors headed off on tours/expanding/self serchings. Dance movements, here I come! I was expecting Kit to be the instructor for this, but I was mistaken. It was someone who is a very experienced dancer, but not someone I recognized. The class size was pretty small; maybe 10 compared to the 20 that I had previously been used to.
The new instructor is most likely classically trained, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. More specifically, for others it may be a good thing, but for me, at age 24 with this being the first time I am trying to do any sort of jazz/ballet, it is most definitely a bad thing. The whole format of the class has changed. Where I am used to using this class to build my strength and balance, it has turned into a full on jazz and ballet class. Where I used to be able to do about 1/2 of the things with confidence and maybe 1/4 with the idea that I'm almost good enough, now I could only fumble through half of it. I flopped around in this class the way I did when I first started "the other" one, however now I have no desire to continue. I don't feel like I am getting enough time in my stretches, and that it doesn't tie in well with my goals. I don't want to learn a jazz choreography at the end of class, and I feel like the whole class is geared towards getting the students ready for the choreography. I want to build strength and balance, and if I am too busy trying to figure out what the hell the instructor just did, it's never going to happen. The classes are too expensive for me to fumble and be frustrated the whole time.
So now I get to decide what I want as my second class of the week. I can take 2 of the same bellydance classes a week, a fusion/cymbals class, or Kit's own gypsy dance class. Maybe I'll just sit in and watch some of those classes to see which I most like. I know I've been meaning to take the fusion/cymbals class for about a year. Maybe this is my change to get up and do so.

A Little Bit of Self Reflection

I've been doing a lot of finding out who I am lately. In my knitting, my dancing, and my general creativeness.

It's interesting, how I still feel like the same person creativity-wise as I was in highschool, however I feel like I was more whole as a 16 year old than I am now, as a 24 year old. Since then, I have gone to college and earned a bachelor's degree in two fields. I like them both, but that is more or less a different story. All the reader needs to know from this is that I am a "scientist". My job is to do research on complicated biology stuff than most people find "impressive", "interersting" or "challenging". People find out what I do for a living, and sudenly, that is what defines me. To them, above everything else, I am a nerdy scientist who wears goggles, a lab coat, and hides in a creepy place with my ethanol, DNA preps, cells, mice, and bunson burner. Second to this total geeked out image am I an artist to them. I am told "you think like a scientist", "you're analyzing", or "you think about things differently than artists do". Every time I hear these words, a part of me is beated down.
I view myself completely different. The exact opposite. To me above everything else, I am a sketch artist and painter who knits, and is trying to get a hang of this dancing thing. I am this creative person who is trying to support what I love doing by having a "real job" out in the big world. I still see myself as myself and my classmates saw me at 16; the weird, pierced theatre chick with big pants who was always drawing in the sketch pad in the middle of class.

Getting back in touch with old friends has somewhat woken me up. Every time I tell them what I am doing they seem stunned and shocked saying "Are you serious?! I never would have guessed you'd go into biology. I thought you were going to be an artist!" They find it hard to imagine me with a normal job, obeying a boss, and being restricted to "work" which does not lend itself well to creativity... unless you count goofing off at lunch coming up with experiments to see who can tell the difference between sugar-water and splenda-water "creative".

Earlier this week I brought my old sketch books into work to show a coworker. I hadn't looked through them since I was 19, but somehow managed to remember to cart them around with me where ever I moved to after college. It was strange. I remember exactly where I was when each picture was being drawn, when I drew it, and what I was thinking. They were all from 9 years ago. My coworker was impressed and didn't realize I had this side. It baffled me for a minute, thinking "But *everyone* KNOWS I can draw". But everyone doesn't. Nobody realizes I have these abilities, because I left everyone behind. I sold out on myself. I decided I didn't need to go to college for art because the one time I actually took an art class, I hated the instructor looking over my shoulder telling me that my picture needed more of this or that. (It's a story for another time, but my bratty teenaged self used my creativity and pictures to tell her to STFU.. which she did. and she never commented on my pictures after that) After taking that class, I decided that art instructors were stifling and limiting, killing my creativity, and dammit, I didn't need that; I was going to go to school to become a biologist.

I must have lost myself on my 18th birthday, because that is where it all changed. I stopped drawing. I stopped creating. I was stuck in books, homework, labs, and exams. And now? I feel lost. I feel like I abandoned myself somewhere between Florida and Pennsylvania, and I'm somewhat upset that it took me until THIS WEEK to realize that I'm lost. Where have I been for the past 6 years? And most importantly, how do I get myself back? How do I prove to everyone that I am more than a pipet and plasmids and really belong to my paper, pencils, and imagination?

That's the million dollar question.

Jazz Shoes

I bought my first ever pair of jazz shoes in highschool. I was in theatre at that time, and my extracurriculars were consumed with rehearsals for one show or another. Since you can't (at least the ladies in the show) wear sneakers or regular shoes for dancing in the musicals, we were required to buy one pair of jazz shoes and one pair of character shoes (fancy heels that were specific for dancing). Black of course so that no matter what we were wearing the shoes would automatically match. Since I had never taken a dance class before, when I bought those shoes I had no idea what I was doing. I walked into the dance shop, looked around for something with the label "jazz shoes", tried on some random black pair and walked out with my new shoes. They were the kind with split soles and laces.
I have been wearing those same shoes since highschool for all of my dance related activities. I have been wearing them to my current dance classes, and continued to wear them even after one of the damn cats chewed half of one of the laces off.. which made tying them tricky. They were broken in, comfy, and finally molded to the sizes and shapes of my feet. Last week in the middle of my dance movements class, I looked down and noticed this nice slice right above my big toe on my right foot. Damn. I realized that I was wearing out my first pair of jazz shoes. Time to get new ones. The problem is that I am not 100% symmetrical. It usually doesn't bother me, but my right foot is 1/2 size bigger than my left. In normal sneakers or sandals this isn't a problem, but in shoes that are supposed to be nice and snug around the shape of the foot, it causes quite a bit of discomfort. So before class yesterday I bought new split sole slip ons (no laces to chew, cats!!) and wore my mismatching sized shoes to class. They are quite comfy this way, and it works out well.

And yet, I can't quite bear to take my worn out shoes out of the passenger seat of my car.

Stretch!

Last week I only went to one of my dance classes; dance movements. I decided that I didn't want to spend the other class struggling, since I knew we were going to be working on V's, and I am still trying to wrap my mind aorund how to flex one or the other hip flexor *without* lifting that leg. I promised myself that even though I was';t going to class I was still going to practice at home, and do my stretches and maybe run on the treadmill and do some weights in the weight room. Yeah right. Knitting got in the way. That and the fact that time runs away with no warning.
So I have not been to class in a week. Bad Kiwi. I did go again tonight though. And if I didn't know any better, I would think that I needed breaks from dancing more often! It was incredible. I felt the correct muscles contracting when I wanted them to. My balance was better than previously. And my turn out feels stronger and more controlled.
At the beginning of class, we warm up and do stretches, including splits to each side and when in belly dance, we'll even do a straddle. I have never done splits before or even attempted them before dancing at this school (note: I started at the end of September in 2005). Every class I have been working on getting into my splits properly and having both my hips facing forward instead of one opening out, as well as geting as low as possible. This of course means I am supporting myself on my hands at the same time. Today was no different than any other day; I was focusing on keeping my left hip down and forward while working on my right side split, when T walked up behind me and said in my ear "Don't be scared." as she placed her hands on my hips, nudged the left one further forward and pressed down. Holy!! I had dropped 3 inches, at least. I was more concentrated on breathing through the burn of opening and stretching to take a moment to look in the mirror to see how low I was, and truth be told, my eyes were closed through most of it. When we switched sides and worked on the left side split, I tried to mimic the same thing she had done and forced myself to go trhough my safety zone. My left calf was touching the floor, and looking in the mirror, I was only inches away from being in my full split. Woo!!!! I'm stretching! I am gaining more flexibility, and my dancing is going to improve because of this!
Who's excited? That would be me. :o)

Warmth

The weather here in California has become very spring-timey and nice, almost over night. It was still cool and dewey most of last week, and we're still hearing about the mudslide damage in San Francisco from the downpour of rain recently before that. When I walked in the dance studio last night it was warm. And since there were dancing bodies in there, it was slightly humid. Not too bad though, just barely enough to notice. The class size had to have been 23 or so which is a pretty big class for the space. Even compared to when I would dance in the summer with the 90°F temperature outside and fans blowing air on us as we dnced, I have never been dripping with sweat due to the first 10 minutes of warm up. Until last night. We breathe, stretch, and do push-ups and sit-ups/crunches to warm up before getting into "dance" warm up (tendues, plies etc.) and by the end of just warming up, I was wet. Last Tuesday it took the whole hour and 15 minutes to get as drippy as I was in the first 15 minutes. I don't think it was that K worked us out more than usual, but maybe with it being cooler previously we just weren't ready for the sauna that we were producing in the studio. The best feeling though is walking out of that place after class to feel the cold night air sucking the heat of our bodies. Mmmmm.

Class Progress

Last night has been the first time I left really sore from dance in a long time. It's funny; I have been dancing for over a year, and each time I go into class I learn something new or feel like there is still something I can improve on. It's a good feeling that there is still more to learn and practice, and that in another year I will not be bored and will still find something that I can work on. I think the new format and rotation schedule helped a little.
I feel as though in the past couple of weeks I have at least learned a lot and have had something to bring home each night, even if I didn't progress much. Especially in the belly dance classes, I feel like I have been stuck on a plateau for a number of months after making some great progress. I feel like I am about to hop off and make my upward progress again, and I can't wait to get that feeling. I know I have been making spectacular progress in Dance Movements, and I am looking forward to when that transfers over to belly dancing.

Dance lite

Monday I went to my Dance Movements class, and it must have been the lightest class all year as far as attendance goes. Before the schedule change, the class usually had 10-15 people at maximum. Thus far the class had had upward around 25 people, and in a dance studio where you need to be able to extend your limbs in all directions without smacking someone next to you, things became complicated. It was very hard to move and focus on working out/drilling because we (at least I) was too concerned with not hitting someone accidentally. So the lightness of Monday was a releif and welcomed. We probably still had around 15 people, and compared to last year, it used to be a stretch. I think what caused the business as of late was the new year and people getting back into their dance schedules, and the fact that there was a Master class and a worshop in January.
I am beginning to assume that K and T are seeing me as a "regular" and more advanced, because when we are doing bar work and it is slightly too crowded for everyone to be on the bar at once, I have become one of the ones that gets kicked off the bar. Monday K was scanning the bar to find people who could handle being in the center; apparently my trying to hide from her line of sight wasn't working too well. When we were standing on our left leg and doing battements with the right I did pretty well. I wasn't rocky and falling over, and could even get into releve for a while. Then when we were supposed to be on our right leg doing battements with out left leg, it was either a combination of my right leg as a standing leg being weaker or the heads of everyone else bobbing around, but I couldn't do half of what I accomplished on the other side. Overall it was a good class. I am beginning to like the new format set up as far as the rotation goes, and it is making me work and think about different things. I guess it is good to break the normal routine and have something new to work on.

Dance Movements

Monday night was my first night back to Dance Movements since before Christmas, and the first DM class altogether since the new schedule change. DM is now only offered once a week; Monday. As I expected since I saw the new schedule, it was crowded. Very crowded. It was very hard to have personal space and to be able to move and stretch in the ways that we really should have. When in dance class in general, it kinda bothers me when someone plops their mat down directly in front of me, and only giving me 4 inches from my toes to the back of the individual's mat. Oof. Bar work also quickly became non bar work since there were too many of us squished on the bar. There were a number of girls who don;t stand at the bar since they have been dancing longer and have better balance. T booted me off the bar, but evetually decided that since there was no one else that she could boot off that we would all be off the bar and do our focus work facing the mirror. This makes me wonder how things are going to work when we are focusing on something harder than tendues and plies. I'm hoping I'll be able to use the bar, or at least stand next to a cubby for support.
Although it was crowded, I was very pleased Monday night. In the middle of working, T walked up to me and told me how she was impressed with my strength. She told me that I had good balance and a strong form, and that she was impressed especially since I kept it together over the break. Woo! This may have been what prompted her kicking me off the bar. It was a very good workout, and always is when T is the instructor. My calves are still very sore. I have to walk slowly and pay attention to what I am doing. I am hoping that by tomorrow when my next class is that I will be back to some normalcy.

New class and lots of knitting!

Today I had to miss out on going to my knit night because my dance school's schedule has changed. I am now going to dance class in some combination of Monday, Tuesday, and Thursdays. The new schedule began on January 2nd. Of course, on that day I was flying back to CA, so if I wanted to make it to dance at all this week, I had to show up tonight. I didn't realize that the schedule wasn't the only thing changing; the format has also. BD2 used to be more endurance in the drills around the room while Dance Movements was more of the sit-ups and work out before dancing. Tonight, we did our usual push-ups but we also had sit-ups, which I was somewhat unprepared for, being my first class back and all. Also, in addition to having to concentrate on our foot work and hip work, we are now supposed to bring our zills (finger cymbals) to class. Yeah, I was not prepared for that. I had just bought my first pair about 2 months ago and have not had time yet to learn how to use them (or what 7's or 3-1's mean) so that was... interesting. Needless to say, I was so focused on my feet and hips that I drilled with my finger cymbals clasped together, not clicking and chiming like (almost) everyone else. I was also very out of sync with dance (hooray for vacations, huh?) and for some reason couldn't handle my feet and hips at once. We were also supposed to line up for our drills by our lkevel; those in front are level 2 certified, next is level 1, and last are uncertified. It was an interesting class. My schedule and rut has completely changed. I like habit and I like things being stable. This is.. interesting. New days, new subjects. It makes me very curious as to what I am going to be doing in Dance Movements. One good thing is that now I don't have to long for taking the Fusion class. The only reason I had wanted to take that class was to learn zills and using them while doing other movements. That now seems to become satisfied in this class.

In other news, Mr A and I had our 3rd.. no 4th Christmas? We received a box from his parents that had a bunch of gifts in it. Yai! There were quite a few knitting things in it. I did not realize this until after i opened them, of course. In the middle of tearing tape off of one gift, I realized that the big soft wrapped thing was a sweater that Mr A's mom has been working on for me for a year! I shreiked as I realized this instantly losing (momentarily) interest in the still unopened gift, with "It's my sweater!!" Mr A was startled since it was quiet up until that point. I told him I was going to be somewhat disappointed if it wasn't since i just got myself worked up about it. And it was! It was finished! Hooray!! I threw it on to see how it fit. Now remember, this was knit while she was in Boston and I was out in California, so it was a lot of size guessing. It *almost* worked. The shoulders are a teeny bit poofy and the waist is a little thick, especially where the sleeves meet the body. But I love it! I am so excited! This is the first thing that anyone has knit for me!!
I am really excited to get to wear it.

From Mr A's mom I also received the cables Stitchionary, which I am also excited about because I can learn more about cables with it. Yai! And there are some sneaky sneaky people out there. I also got a gift certificate to where? Marin Fiber Arts! And each gift certificate is signed by Warren, so sooooomeooooone knew that I was getting this. ;o)

As for Mr A's socks that I wrote about last time... well. Things seemed to have changed. on the airplane, I was so excited about them that I turned the heel ever so slightly too soon. Of course I didn't think to stick a life line in before turning the heel, and I'll be damned if I try frogging the heel only to ruin the whole sock thus far. So, I seem to have accidentally made myself a pair of socks. I am hoping that maybe some luck will make it to that they fit him, butif they don't, I guess Iam lucky that they fit me. Darn! I really wanted to use some of the other yarn I have to make myself some other pair of socks. I'll just have to buy more and make him a pair.. that actually fits. Seeing as how this is my first "pair" of socks, we can call it practice, right? Yeah. I was only pretending. It was all planned from the beginning. Poor Mr A. Although I don't think he was nearly as excited about getting these socks as I was about him getting them. Oh well.

Mostly Dance Rant

Well, it seems as though I haven't posted since finishing the shawl. At that point I was so overloaded with the Boise obsession. I have been steadily (read: slowly) chugging along on the pair of socks that I am making for Mr A. I really like how both socks are being made at once and that I knwo whaen I am done, I will be *finished* with the pair. The only thing I really need to figure out is how to make the heels using the short row method that I really like. I'll...... figure it out when I get there, I guess.
That is the end of any useful (was that useful?) knitting talk. Onto the bellydance bitching.

I didn't go to class on Monday because that morning I had just gotten my braces on (yeah, yeah... I know.. why didn't I get them when I was a kid... and when I didn't have to pay for it!?!?!?) and I just wasn't in the mood to deal with the new feeling of crap in my mouth as well as the strain of a dance movements class. Today when I left work at 4pm, I was very excited to go to class. I was ready to dance and ready to use all of my odd muscles and to be a belly dancer. Unfortunately, class doesn't start for another 4 hours after that. I am not a night person. At 7, 8, 9pm on weekday evenings I don't want to be shaking and squeezing and flexing. I just want to be winding down and getting ready for the next day. But my dance classes start at 7pm on Mondays and 8pm on Wednesdays. Great. Add to this that T was teaching tonight. This is all sorts of a recipe for me leaving upset. I like T. She is a wonderful and amazing dancer, and makes everything complicated look simple and effortless. Yet it seems that only on the nights she teaches are the same nights I leave upset and ready to quit dancing altogether. I know I am not doing things perfectly. I know occasionally I need someone to correct my posture, my timing, my isolations, *something*. But when T teaches, I feel invisible. Like she gave up a long time ago on me ever looking beautiful when I dance. She walks around me, fixing every other girl around me, even the girls who are training in level3 and coming to level 2 for.... I don't know. She is fixing a level 3 girl, and not a level 1.5 girl? I can't contract my glutes as fast as we were supposed to be doing tonight, so I tried slowing it down and focusing on at least doing it to some extent. I kept losing my timing. But I was trying. I was doing something that I felt would help me. Negative negative negative. Feet on one timing, glutes on the timing I could only do slow, put them together and I (figuratively.. well... mybe literally..) fall on my face. So again, my own thing. Last thing. We walk flat foot, glutes are contracted, both going double time. I have a hard time going that fast, especially flat foot since it is harder than releve. I anted to get my double time, dammit, so I went into releve. And I could still only break full time. THIS is when T walks up to me and says "We're supposed to be flat foot." I tell her I can't do it flat foot and she tells me to walk flat foot. #@!%$%$%#^#%$^&^%*762445 No, don't talk about my posture, my arm placement, my glutes, my timing, but PLEASE P.L.E.A.S.E. comment on whether my feet are flat or in releve! I mean.. CLEARLY that is the most important thing all night for em to get right. Arrrgghhh!!!!!!!
Nights like these I leave frustrated. Ready to cry and quit and never dance again. It makes me wonder why I still show up week after week, class after class. It makes me wonder if I am ever going to get this shit and if I am ever going to be able to keep up with the big bad belly dancers. Nights like tonight make me ask myself why I am pretending to be a dancer, why I am trying and what this is all for. At least with knitting, I have friends who lend support when I want to eat my scarf/blanket/bag/whatever. With dancing, I don't have any "friends". I ahve the girls I "dance with" in class, but that is as far as we go. There is no support, no encouragement. And that is where it seems I need it most of all.

Back to Dance

Monday night was my first night going back to dance since Wednesday, October 4. The week after that I was too tired both Mon and Wed to go (Monday night I feel asleep at 8pm!!) and that Thursday was the fun funness of surgery so last week I was still focusing on trying to stand without the room spinning, so dancing was out of the question. We did some warm up drills that I had only done a few times; just when you're getting used to the drills they switch to something else so that your body doesn't get locked into one thing. So that was nice and complicated. We were working on arabesques (standing on one leg with the other extended straight behind a few inches off the floor, with the hips both still even and facing forward), which is something so easy in concept, but I am particularly bad at them because my big glutes are still pretty weak. I was also slow to get into first position and poiting my toes was hardly happening. I haven't felt this uncoordinated in dance since I first started. I felt all floppy and lacking grace. We also did dragging turns where the left leg is slightly bent and the right is dragging on the floor to the side while you turn. We were *supposed* to use our arms for momentum to get around, but for me, again with the no grace night I couldn't get around myself. It was aggravating, but oh well. It's what happens when you don't dance for alomst a month. The one thing that did go right, and quite to my surprise, was that I can almost do complete splits. During every class, we have a mmoment or two to work on splits, and I try (although I have to support myself on my hands) and on Monday, I was so close to being all the way down. I am going to be super excited when I don't have to use my hands and will be able to stretch on top of my split. Now if only my straddle split was going as well ;)
I am going to try to go through one more 10 week rotation of dance movements and then start going to the Fusion course where I have a fusion of middle eastern dance, western styles and finger cymbols! During the week of the workshop, I stayed one night to watch one of my new friends take the class, and it looked really cool. Only 3 people were taking the class, which is good adn bad I guess, but the things they were doing looked awesome and fun.

End Workshop

Well, yesterday was the last day of the Week long workshop. It was an exciting and intimidating day. I was daunted by the amount of things we still seemingly had to do. We had not drilled exterior hip circles, vertical or horizontal figure eights, or upper body work. It was pretty scarey. We ended up only focusing on the figure eights. At one point we had to try a very level 3 layering; horizontal figure eights back to front at the same time as vertical figure eights up to down. My body didn't really want to do that combo and for some reason thought that an 8 down to up would have gone better back to front, or an 8 up to down would have gone with a front to back. I don't think I managed a single one the way I was supposed to, but it was cool to try such an interesting layer. Lunch was provided, and it was all ethnic food. Hummus, grape leaf wrapped rice, and other yummi goodies. Again, Jamila was there to show us movies and to talk with us. I loved having her there. It made lunch time so relaxing and enjoyable. It was also very educational. One of the first days (I don;t remember) one of the girls asked Jamila for an autograph in her zills book. Her responce was "You want an autograph? Awww... that's so corny!" She signed with one of her zills patterns. When this story was relayed to Suhaila, she said "Ha! That is so my mom. But you know... she *loves* it." It was adorable. Watching the way the two of them interacted was amusing. Truely loving.
After lunch we finished the choreography. My feet were hurting so bad at this point that I just wanted it to be done. I couldn't spin at the end as fast as I should have been. And I lacked enthusiasm. I feel so accomplished knowing the whole choreography, but I also felt bad for not being able to put my whole into it like I should have (and most of the other girls did). When we were all dancing the choreogrpahy for the last time, one girl asked if she would join us. "You are trying to get me to perform for you" and wagged her finger. K responded "No, I want you to dance *with* us." Suhaila grin and said "Ahh.. now THAT I will do." She told us that if you know how to present things properly, she'll do anything. For instance the difference between dancing with us and for us was what got her to actually do it. I think it was Thursday Suhaila split the room in two, half one would dance and then half two would dance. I thought I was in the second half and while half 1 was about to go I got water and walked around to sit with the others. Suhaila pointed at me and asked me if I was on side one. *deer in headlights* I studdered something about thinking I was in group 2 and well, now I'm not sure, and after a bit of going back and forth I offered "Would you like me to be in side 1?" She grinned and said "Ha! That I like. You have a future" Apparently with Suhaila everything rides on the way you say things and how you respond. It really didn't matter to me which side I was on, so if she had wanted me in the first group I would have gone. I was amused that my responce had such an impact on her.
Having the last day of the workshop was a relief and kinda sad at the same time. I have really enjoyed spending all this time with these wonderful dancers, but I was still very ready to get a break. I really met some great people, and they inspired me. I knew I was not ready to test to be certified for level 2, so I was not stressed at all. Two of the girls did test. I hope they did well. I feel that I learned more in this workshop than I have in the whole last rotation. I have so much that I can take from this experience and apply to my weekly classes. I have a better understanding of what I need to be a better dancer; the things I need to strive for, how to apply myself during classes, and what to focus on. I lvoed every painful moment of this week. It was awesome.

Day 3.

Wednesday was most denfinitely hump day. Going back to the workshop on Tuesday was okay. The balls of my feet hurt a little because they aren't used to supporting all of my weight at once, but when I got up Wednesday morning I nearly fell over. The balls of my feet were still sore, my calves hurt and my quads were weak. And I had an hour before I was to undure more working. During the warm up (where we do stretches and various crunches, working out, and other painful activities) I could feel my calf muscles as though they were separate entities from my legs. I could feel the muscle fibers pulling and rubbing against each other as I would contract, and I could feel them push as I released. It was weird. It was like I had a hard ball sitting next to my leg and when I could move I could feel it press against the back of my leg. And that was just the beginning of my day. I can only hold home position for a short while before my knees start to burn. Something is wrong in the way I am standing. My knees don't align with my toes so holding a bent knee position like that starts to hurt. I need to work on pushing my knees out while my feet are straight so that everything ends up in the same direction. But then my problem became that I was overcompensating. I need to figure out where the comfortable balance is. By lunch time, I couldn't feel 2 of my toes on my left foot. I didn't end up feeling them until about 7pm last night.
Before we started working on choreography, Suhaila talked to us about our "issues" of the day. Apparently in every week long workshop, Wednesday is when all the personal issues surface. Every time we dance adn try, we have the 2 little voices. One saying that we can do it, and the other telling us we can't (both of my voices have spoken here) and Wednesday is when the can't-voice screams louder than the can. It's hump day. During our moment, things became very emotional. One woman started crying. One woman equated how in the warm up when we are doing our 10 minutes of presses (a very painful thing that ...sucks) when she feels like she can't do it, her can't voice tells her that she's never going to get a job like this. How is she going to succeed at anything if she can't even do the presses? There are some things that when we do them, we get very emotional and for some reason (maybe pain?) we get a scrunched look on our face and any minute we will cry. I was kind of shocked to see so many other seasoned dancers struggling with the same things I am, and near tears at the same places I am. I originally thought this workshop would bring dancers that are even more advanced that the ones I am dancing with in class, but really, some are better, and some are on my exact level. We are the full spectrum of level 2 dancers. In class, there are level 2.5 and some who are in level 3. I keep forgetting that those girls are at the school all the time, where as the workshop girls fly in specifically for this opportunity.
That was hump day. Today is day 4 for us. I am looking forward to being past my breaking point and having a day very reminiscent of day 1 or 2. My toes are numb again, and the balls of my feet feel like there are really balls stuck to the bottom of my feet (this feeling I am sure is what is making my toes numb), and my calf muscles are sore, but I am sure today will go excellently. Oh, and for a smidge of knitting post, I brought my boise to the workshop and finished 4 rows before the start and at lunch. I'm still knitting!!

Day 1.

Yesterday (as you all know by now) was day one of my week long belly dance workshop. I was scared and Sunday night I could not get to sleep. I showed up to the studio and had to fill out waivers and sign in, then I got a goodie bag. It contained lots of bath salts, lotion, and one of those lotion sock thingies that you wear on your feet over night. By the end of the day, I needed it. When we were about to start, she had us all gather in a circle (it reminded me of story telling time in kindergarten) and we talked about our goals, why were here, how this helps us grow, and in general about the dance. It was an excellent way to start class, because it made us feel lifted and excited. We started out like a normal class: breathing, stretching, pushups.. 100 bicycle sit ups!! (she made us count out loud) At one point when she was walking around the room helping people, Suhaila stopped next to me and (as I continued to do my plie-ing and grand plie-ing) she straightened my tangled tank strap. I was very amused. We also watched as 5 cops were standing around right in front of our door arresting some guy. Suhails said "What, they can't move to the left 10 feet in front of the business that is closed?! They have to do it here? Men!! And tey think they are going to save the world this way!" Back to class, we did tendues like we would in the dance movements class, plies, battements, and the like. Then we went into glutes and doing singles. We did drills around the room and by lunch time, I was ready to eat and sit. My feet were beginning to get sore. Suhaila's mom, Jamila had come just before lunch and asked if we wanted to watch a movie of Suhaila from 1992 (I think). She was happy to show us. Then we watched a documentary on gypsies. Suhaila tried calling us back to class, but Jamila said "2 more minutes! It's right there!! Just 2 more minutes!" "No, Mom. Your 2 minutes are.. 2 Arab minutes! They last forever!"
The second half of the day I spent fairly frustrated. I wanted to try to moves and practice and do everything, but my feet were killing me. I tried barefoot, with jazz shoes, and wearing the foot undies. The shoes hurt them more and the undies only helped slightly. I have never experienced this before. Not in class. I usually tire out because my whole body doesn't want to work. But here, my body wanted to work but my damn feet were quitting! All I could do was walk in line with the others and do the painful foot steps and visualize the hip squares we were doing. It takes a lot of concentration when your feet hurt that badly. After yesterday ended, I sat and thought about what we were doing and what all of this is. Basically, the level 2 workshop takes the whole format, the whole 10 week rotation schedule, and we pretty much learning it and go through it in 5 days. So what we would take 2 weeks to learn if I was just going to my hour long class, we leaned in just yesterday. 10 weeks is getting smushed into 5 days. It is also in level 2 and in this workshop that we learn to become good students. Level 2 is where we really begin to understand what we need to learn and how to learn it. I am so glad I signed up for this. The worrying was unneccessary, but this workshop is awesome.
When I came home, the first thing I did was make a hot hot bubble bath and just soak. It felt very good. After cooking dinner I had to go to BigRock to check on my cells and gather up data so I could get something accomplished this week. I also didn't want to be driving back and forth to work every day after I was exhausted from class, when all I have to do right now is data analysis and that can be done at home.
This morning, how do I feel after yesterday's workout and 4 more consecutive ones to follow? My feet feel a little better (let's see how long that lasts) but my calves are beginning to feel some burn. By Friday I am probably going to be so burnt. Heh.

5 days!

That's right. 5 days until my belly dance workshop of DOOM!! Or something. First, I would like to intro this post with something that one of the girls who is going to be in this workshop showed me. It is a comic to those who don't know any better, and so much an ironic truth to those of us who do. This, I imagine is what I will look like every. single. day. next week. I am so excited and feeling almost not prepared enough. Luckily, I have this weekend to jsut sit down and think about the power bars I need to get, the towel and deodorant I need to bring, the gatorades and lunches I need to plan. And then how to relax and just dance! That's what this is about, right? Dancing all week for one week. Intense dancing. Lots of it. But dancing!!
So what could top that comic? Envisioning me dragging myself up 3 flights of stairs to the cushy bed that will be calling my name. Well, it has been too long since the last time I bought dance shoes. They are too small and my cats chewed one of the laces so it ties.. oddly. Every time I put them on I think "Dammit.. I need new shoes". So today I stopped at the dance store (Actually, it was a costume store and along with dance stuff they had a whole inventory for Halloween..) and tried on various shoes. I found a pair that fit! And needs major breaking in. But they fit. (Can I break in a pair of shoes in one weekend?) I go to pay and they have these little bad sock/shoe thingies. Image included if my description wasn't good enough. The brand name is "footUndeez". Why? Well.. look at them. They look like granny panties. And (I wish I could google an image) when they are NOT on a cute little model's foot, they look even more like the Undeez. They are comfortable (I bought a pair) but it makes me giggle just thinking about the conversation I had with the cashier: "I thought they were little panties people would put on their keychains! It seemed wierd to me, but they are really popular!" Heh.
Those are my thoughts for the day. I must eat something before going to (guess?) dance. And I'll wear my new foot paraphernalia :o)

1 week, 4 days!

Until the Suhaila workshop, that is. And how am I feeling? A little nervous. A little scared. And a lot unprepared. I can't believe it is already September, and the MIDDLE of September at that. I've hit a plateau and it is making it hard on me. I know mentally what my body should be doing, when it should be doing it and how to do it. But my body is half assedly relpying. I am thinking too hard on getting it right. Maybe that is my problem. Monday I felt like a duck again, and things didn't look right. At least to my super critical eye. I wonder if I was a little to overzealous in signing up for this workshop and if maybe I should have waited a few months to a year. I hope this helps me grow and gives my body at least a better understanding of how to go about dancing.
I think I am too stressed out about things. The baby blanket that needs to be finished. The boise shawl that I am itching to work on. The sweater that I can't wait to start. The 4 teeth that I are going to be extracted in less than a month. Too much is going on. I am getting a little overwhealmed. Eek. I am also trying to figure out how I am going to pull off going to this workshop all week 9am-3:30pm and then battle traffic to get to work to at least do something. Sigh.

It's Official

The knit along is on! Last week at knit night we saw the demo of the Karabella Boise Lace Wrap, which was absolutely devine. It was in Warren's store made with the rose color (64 on the website). It was decided that we should have a knit along and we would cast on as a group on the first Thursday of September. I was bouncing between a few possible colors to make mine out of. There was a purple (65), a soft blue (67.. however it looks grey on my computer screen), and a soft green (68). I ultimately decided on the green since I am fond of the color and already have a blue shawl. The purple was also a little too striking although it is my favorite color. Maybe if it had been softer. In any case, I bought my yarn! Three of us did, actually and it seemed to make Warren's night. :o) I am very excited to start this and can't wait for September! We are decidedly having a party when the last person (most likely me.. I knit slow) finishes the wrap.
At the same time, Papaya and I decided to make the same top from the last issue of IK. Once the first knit along is completed, we are going to begin our own little knit along. Hooray!

Commence Belly Dance Boot Camp

Wednesday night was my weekly Belly Dance Level 2 class from 8-9:15pm. For some reason there were only 4 of us there as opposed to the usual 10+. This didn't bother me since it was also the reason why I liked dancing in the middle of the day on Thursday, not to mention I am a morning person and after getting up at 7am all week, dancing until 9pm is a little hard. It was a good class. We were doing exterior hip circles with varying foot work. And I was actually getting it! I could (even if it was only for a few counts) do a 3 beat foot work like paus de bourette with the 4 beat hip circles layered ontop of that. I'm finally coming out of my plateau, and it feels great. The only problem was I would get a little screwed up and miss miss a foot step which would then switch my feet.. So, while everyone was stepping on their left foot, I would be stepping on my right. But it was okay, because I realized what was making me do that.

At the end of class, Kendra told me that I was going to need to start working on my stamina. She knows I don't like taking Dance Movements and Belly Dance 2 back to back, but that I am going to have to start doing so in order to be able to survive the week long workshop in September. Oof. I hadn't even thought of that. If I had, I would have been doing this whole 10-week rotation with the classes back to back... and I would be complaining about it more here. I have 7 weeks until the workshop as of this coming Monday. Eee!! That means from 9:30am-3:30pm Monday-Friday of the last week in September, I am going to be dancing my tush off while being pushed by Suhaila herself. And apparently she's not going to let me get away with some of the lazy things I do in Kendra and Tiffany's classes. 0:) So to ease myself in, on Monday's I am going to start doing both classes, and still show up to level 2 on Wednesdays. I am hoping to do that for maybe 2 or 3 weeks before taking both classes both nights. Ee! I am either going to come out of this more exhausted than I have ever been in my life, or I am going to be crazy energized from it. Kendra also told me that the pain my muscles are going to feel after the workshops is going to be the kind where I am going to need a salt soak in the bath every night when I get home... someone please tell em what I have gotten myself into. I'm so looking forward to it though! But I can't believe it is coming up so quickly!!

Schedules of fun

On Monday I was not feeling spectacular enough to endure a class of hard core fendues with Tif, so I opted to stay home and relax instead. This meant that Wednesday was going to be very hard. Then I got the bright idea to only take Dance Movements Wednseday night and then slip out of work in the middle of the day to go to Belly Dance 2 on Thursday. Great plan. Wednesday was quite the workout. As much as it is painful at the time, I really like when Tif teaches because at the end it is very refreshing. Thursday I got into work a little early so that I could afford to take a few hours out of the middle of the day and still be able to get off in time for knitting that night. (yes, I know I have my priorities in line) There were only four of us in the midday class as opposed to the usual 10 or so. It made it very nice. We were also all hoovering around the same levels of ability, so that made it better. Because there were so few of us, we had more individual attention and could get better grasps on what we were doing. This week was interior hip squares, which are surprisingly complicated. I was actually able to do them even though I took it half as fast as I was supposed to. It felt so good to be dancing 12-1:15 instead of the typical 8-9:15pm. It was easier because I was more awake. I am almost considering making that my usual time because I enjoyed it so much. The only problem was a few hours later while I was running up and down stairs, running my assays I was starting to feel it in my calves. I was used to dancing and instantly passing out, not dancing then working even harder.
At knit night, I finished knitting the front of *item* and pieced it all togther. There are only two teeny tiny itty little pieces I have left to do, but that has to wait until I can get the scraps of the last color to make them. It's almost done! I'm so excited! Knit kight was relatively quiet last night, with only a select few of us in attendance. Aside from the preview of Hair, it was quiet for the most part outside as well.
Last night I was also informed that it is hard to follow my schedule and time of events. And I admit, looking at all of these posts I bounce from knitting to dancing to cross stitching to plants. So pretty much, I dance on Monday and Wednesday nights and go to knit night on Thursday nights. Thursday may also soon be home to midday dancing. And I also have that job thing during the day, more or less a 9-5. I have too many hobbies and interests. Or maybe I suffer from some serious ADD of sorts. But anyone who knew me would tell you that's obvious. ;)

What I've Learned

Dance this week has been quite a learning experience, so I have compiled a slight list for amusement.

When we are at the bar doing a particularly difficult set, when Tif asks "What are you guys thinking about" she doesn't want to hear "I'm hungry", she wants to hear that we are thinking about our turn out, where our toes are, pointing, square hips and chest lifted. Oops.

While doing the 10 minute sets of crunches, no matter how painful it is do not stop and close your eyes on the yoga mat. This results in sleep, and it's a lot harder to pull off falling asleep in a dance class than in your typical Calculus 2 course.

Part of learning how to belly dance is getting over the fact that the first 2 years you dance, you will feel like a duck. It's natural. The only way to overcome looking like a duck is being comfortable with the fact that at some times, you might look ducky. Once you have that established, the duck feeling magically goes away. ...I haven't accepted it yet.

If all else fails, describe the format creator when she was teaching these same movements while pregnant. For instance, hip triangles and hip V's: "So, when you do the triangle you pull your lower abs in and think about Suhaila when she was pregnant.. Her stomach would go to the sides and POOM POOM. So that's the visual you want to go for, where you're just pulling in your belly button." Then see how many of us can actually do it instead of standing there laughing.

As hard as Tif's classes are, they are much easier when you take one on one day and the other on the next scheduled day instead of unknowingly doing both classes back to back. 1 hour of her class leaves you feeling light and energized the next day. 2.5 hours of her class makes you not be able to walk normally for 4 days.

Part of not having a/c in the studio means that the front door must remain open if you don't want to suffocate. Part of leaving the door open means creepy guys walking down the street will see girls in skimpy tight dance gear and will hang around to get their jollies off of it. Part of creepy guys hanging around the school means the front doors need to be closed during the hottest part of the work out. Don't depend on the outside breeze, expect to sweat, and bring water.

Finally, everything is mental. You can't think about it too much or your body won't respond. And our bodies are more like belly dancers than we realize. "What?! You want me to do what?!?! Well you haven't paid attention to me, so I am going to go over here and do my own thing and NOT what you want me to do. Ha!!"